How to Ask Someone Out (A Guide for Geeks and Nerds)

For all the geeks and nerds out there, there is hope for you. If you think you're destined to spend your entire life single and looking, then hopefully this article can help you. While I'm not quite sure of my "geek status," I have some friends that definitely qualify. I've built my own computer, but I've also dated for over three years. So you need not question my experience. I've also helped a few of those friends find dates that they were very happy with. So this guide is for you: the geeks and nerds who think you can never date because "no girl likes you." So let's begin. Before you start, make sure you're actually serious about this, or it won't work.

Start With What You Know

Before you start aiming for "super-model" hotties who you have no chance with (okay, maybe like .00001%, but you get the idea), start with dating potentials who are more like you. For example, if you're an "anime nerd" girl, then find a boy who likes the same things. You can do this by going to clubs and meetings for activities you enjoy. Chances are that if you find a date at one of these events, you'll be a thousand times happier discussing your interests than pretending to like something you don't with someone completely different than you.

Some more ideas for finding people you like: Use Facebook to connect with locals with similar interests. Under your "activities" section, list things you like: reading, differential mathematics, whatever. Then, look for others in your town that have the same things listed. Start a club. It can be online at first, but then you'll need to move it to the real world for anything to happen. If you like Magic cards, set up a tournament. You'll be able to meet new friends, and potential dates. Just make sure you stress it's open to all genders. If you're a Harry Potter nerd, attend the opening days of movies and book signings. Chances are you'll find a Hermione. If you're just a plain "smart nerd," don't look any further than your own classes in school. If you're in all AP classes, then look for classmates who are there too. There's a chance they're actually as intelligent as you. Finally, just be yourself. If you're changing to much to fit the likes of others, you'll never find someone you're truly happy with.

It's Okay to Change

That statement sounds like it contradicts what I just said in the paragraph above. But stop and think. If you really want to find someone, then you're already changing. You're making that first attempt, however small, to grow beyond your geek or nerd status, and that is going to take a bit of change. But before you change too much, realize that you still want to be who you are. You can be a geek at heart, but still enjoy hanging out with your "non-geek" friends. You can love typing pages of computer code, but still be able to be romantic. It's entirely possible, and it's not incredibly difficult to learn how. It all involves categorizing your life. Just like you don't talk about inappropriate things with your pastor or teacher but may with your friends, you need to learn when it is the time to talk about certain things.

How You Look

First, start with your appearance. While it's unfortunate, this is the first thing people notice when they see you. To be brutally honest, you'll probably need to reconsider it. While glasses can be good looking, at least try contacts. I know they can be a pain, but if you're serious about looking better, just try it. Next, consider your clothes. These seem to get neglected in favor of studying or reading or I'm not really sure what. But any way you look at it, you should at least attempt to change them. One thing I've noticed about all the "nerds and geeks" vs others is that the nerds and geeks tend to dress in a more "uptight" way. Instead of being casual, they will have tucked in shirts or pants that are just too formal. So to begin, go buy some khaki shorts. Not dress shorts, but casual khaki shorts. They can be found in Hollister, American Eagle, or even a department store. Wherever you go, just get a few pair. Now, for your shirts, think polos. Find a color that looks good, and grab a few different designs. The good think about the khaki shorts is that they'll go with a lot of different shirts. Polos, T-shirts, you name it. (By the way, I'm in no way a professional fashion designer. I'm just making some casual suggestions to improve a wardrobe.) If you can, try to have a fashionable friend help you out. Once you look better, you'll be getting more potential date offers.

What You're Doing

Now that you're in a better attire, think actions, words, and attitude. A lot of people are called nerds and geeks just because they're smarter (sometimes a lot smarter) than the people they're with. So without making yourself appear dumb, just stop the "intelligent" comments when you're with people who aren't geeks and nerds themselves. If someone spells a word wrong, don't jump in to correct them. If someone forgets the 34th digit of Pi, don't offer a hint, no matter how desperate they are or how desperately you want to show off what you know. If you're looking to impress someone, spitting out facts and figures is not the way to go. I cannot teach you to talk from your heart and not your mind, but it is something you will need to learn to do. To try and make the change, do this: every time you feel the urge to say something factual, stop, think of a sentence in your head that starts with "I think" or "I feel" and say that instead.

Most dates are attracted to someone who is fun-loving. You need to expand beyond your normal activities and start doing something new and interesting. This doesn't mean you can never reprogram the toaster again, but try a new activity with friends. Get out and bike, walk, kayak, etc. Hopefully it can become something you enjoy doing. And, you'll meet new people too.

I've read tons of things online and in magazines before that tell you how to meet new people. I also know that many of those things are unrealistic. The truth is, you go to a school, or work where you enjoy your own group of friends and expanding is really hard. What those magazines don't tell you is that you probably won't have any success for the first few months. And a lot of people give up. You're probably starting to think that this guide is more of a "how to find friends" guide. But it is, and isn't. I am a firm believer that people who are friends first make great dating partners. You already know that you have similar interests, and that you get along.

Turning Those New Friends Into Dates

So assuming you've followed the guide so far, you're meeting new people in your classes at school, joining a few new clubs, and possibly even meeting some people who are just like you. I know it's a stretch, but let's just assume for the purposes of this guide that you have made a ton of new friends. And there's this one person you think you like. Here's how to go from there.

First, skip the pickup lines. Please. The biggest thing I see "socially awkward" people (don't be offended, please) doing is attempting to be cool by finding a pickup line to use. My favorite is "Are you a library book? Because I'm checking you out." Just stop before you even think of any. And it gets worse when you apply science or math related terms. The best way to start a date is to make the other person know you're interested in them. Ask them for their phone number. Talk to them more than the other friends (remembering what is appropriate to talk about). Good subjects include teachers, current events, family things, vacations, trips, etc. Don't bring up the story about the time you made a robot. Even if it's the most interesting thing you've ever done.

Now you're probably thinking "shouldn't I be myself?" Well you should, but you don't want to scare the person away. So while you can tell them your favorite nerdy stories later, save them for after you know each other well. For now, stick to neutral subjects.

Asking the person out is something you should do only after you know each other well. If you've been completely faking your life to get their attention, it won't work out. So what I'm saying to do is start with neutral subjects, but before asking them out, let them know that you do have a (small) nerdy or geeky side. If you're going to make a good couple, that won't bother them. You should just approach them, say that you know you've been friends for a while, and want to maybe go out on a date. Remember your mints and dress rules!

Your first date isn't a time to bring up your nerdiness either. There will be time. Read rules online about first dates. Ask friends who've dated before what to do. Try to do your best to avoid mentioning any "knowledge" facts. Just enjoy the time, and before you know it, you'll have a second date. If you need help thinking of places to go, here is a list.

Author's Note: This was written with help from some younger friends of mine who are still in high school. I apologize for the random interjections of hints, and the lack of "flow." This won't guarantee you a date, but you could at least try!

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